Posted by Eliza on: 08.23.2006 /
My son and I have been reading Madeleine L’Engle’s Time Quartet sci fi series recently. The first book, A Wrinkle in Time, is the best-known. When I read it as a kid, I completely missed the Christian metaphors and references; as an adult, I’m finding these books full of them.
As we were reading the second book, A Wind in the Door, one line in particular jumped out at me. I don’t know if it carries a particular meaning or reference for Christians, or why the author necessarily included it, but I found it thought-provoking. On page 118, an alien ally is talking to Meg, the young human heroine, who has to figure out - but quick - how to find something to love about her unlovable school principal, basically in order to save the universe from the bad guys. The alien says to Meg:
Love isn’t how you feel. It’s what you do.
I wondered what people here would say about that quote, and about love.
Comment by: Eliza
1Then, there’s always the possibility that it’s both an emotion and actions! I think of people saying that someone shows/showed their love for their family by cooking for them, for example - an action which at base is filling a necessity, but by doing it for these same people, over and over, maybe becomes an act of love. I think also of people (men, classically), who are said to express love for their family by working hard at being the breadwinner - even if that means long work hours, not spending much time at home with their family, so that what the provider feels as an expression of love isn’t necessarily viewed by others, or felt by the recipients, that way.
We’re leaving now for a long drive across a state or two, for summer vacation (finally!) - sorry to post and run! We’re going to Priest Lake - we just love it there - and now I have made myself ponder what I mean by that! :)
Comment by: Bruce
2Eliza, the famous therapist, Albert Ellis, said that emotions/feelings are the result of thoughts. I’ve used his “ABC’s of Behavior” for several years because I think it really helps people to see that if they want to change their feelings they have to change their thoughts.
So if I had to give up one or the other, I’d give up feelings. Feelings are ephemeral and changeable. It is the day-to-day beliefs and the actions they lead to that give true love its character.
Comment by: Mike O
3This is so zen (not that I actually know what that even means). If I had to give up one or the other, I would give up actions. Actions without feelings would somehow feel manipulative or I would at least be cynical of their reasons. Without that oogy feeling, actions can be very shallow.
On the other hand, oogy feelings without actions are useless and empty. Without actions, the feelings would die.
I guess I didn’t answer any of the questions.
Comment by: Julie Marie
4I think feelings lead to actions. But sometimes, love means you perform actions even when you don’t feel like it. My husband was a perfect example of this last weekend, and I wish I’d had a camera to snap a picture of him as he emerged from under my father’s car after disconnecting the drive shaft so we could tow it home safely…his face was peppered with bits of greasy road grime…and all I had to clean it with as a leftover box of diaper wipes. Why I’d like a picture with the caption “This is Love” is sometimes I forget how he displays love and feel sorry for myself because I don’t get all the tender romance my little heart desires.
When push comes to shove, if I had to choose…I’d chose to be loved by actions rather than feelings.
Comment by: Rachel
5It seems to me that actions are more important than feelings, because to love someone is to impart value to them. And the value is based on what you believe to be true about them, not what you feel about them. For me as Christ-follower, the belief would be that everyone is made in the image of God and has infinite worth and inherent dignity. So to love someone is to choose to conform my actions to that belief, regardless of what I want or feel.
Comment by: Rachel
6That’s a great image, Julie Marie! I think we as women have been programmed by society to think that love is flowers and sonnets and fancy dinners and white horses, so we do often fail to recognize the simple, daily acts of service as love.
I’m having some problems with joint pain lately (possibly rheumatoid arthritis - I see a specialist next Tuesday). So yesterday I asked my husband to clean the bathtub because it hurts to be on my knees. And he willingly did it, even though he’d worked all day and I’d been home all day. So I guess my “This is Love” photo would be of my hubby scrubbing the tub! :)
Comment by: NCxian
7A Wrinkle In a Time is the book that got me hooked on science fiction, I think.
C.S. Lewis makes the argument that Love in the Christian sense
He goes on to say this rule applies in the opposite as well.
Finally he says about loving God,
Comment by: Mike O
8I like that!
Comment by: Julie Marie
9I’m sorry to hear that. On a mildly positive note, there are more treatment options for that condition now than there were even 10 years ago.