Posted by Helen on: 09.13.2006 /
In addition to my latest response to Rev. Lueking, there are two other letters in today’s newspaper related to my article Why I don’t go to church anymore or to the subsequent discussion of it.
Mildenhall shows lack of courage in leaving church
I have only pity for Helen Mildenhall who wrote in her letter to the editor July 5 why she does not go to church anymore. She is futilely attempting to pigeonhole God into a category that fits her needs, and she will never be able to do so. God can only be accepted on faith or not at all. The church consists of fallible human beings who endlessly attempt to be accepting, tolerant, and compassionate toward others even when we do not share the same views.
I cannot agree with Mr. Hayes statement [A faith more transparent to itself - Why I still do go to church, Viewpoints, Aug. 23] that it took courage to make Ms. Mildenhall’s decision. I would prefer to categorize it as lacking in courage and a withdrawal from society. All of us suffer moments when our faith is shaken, but if we did not persevere, it would be an empty place to live, especially in the troubled environment in which we now find ourselves,
Ms. Mildenhall is missing a great deal if she fails to attend worship services in the church of her choice.
Comment by: JG
1 09/13/06 4:25 PM | Comment Link |The second letter causes me great frustration. As you have said many times, if only people would listen first before making assumptions.
In your case, given your very public role in sharing your situation and hosting this site, you can scarcely be accused of “withdrawing from society”!!
Thank you so much for your courage and for the role you do play in society!
Comment by: Marty
2 09/13/06 5:57 PM | Comment Link |I am fascinated with how I reacted to these two letters - both in my body and my mind.
One my body tensed, I became angry, I wanted to come along side Helen and probably be less kind than I expect her to be - and I said to myself - if this is the way and tone of what it is like to be a Christian - I really need to find another label for myself.
The other letter elicted the opposite response - was humble, respectful and insightful, Christian - someone that I would enjoy hanging out with and exchanging thoughts about life. It made we want to read, listen and learn - even though I may personally have a different take is some areas with what this person wrote.
If the person who was so strident really had a joy of her (I just picked up that it is a her) beliefs and really wanted to help Helen/others find something that was special - wouldn’t she find a way to do that that is more congruent with what she wants to accomplish?
For me it is a reaffirmation of the importance of how I say/write things.
Comment by: Helen
3 09/13/06 6:23 PM | Comment Link |JG: you’re right - I certainly haven’t withdrawn from society. I thought it was odd the author equated ceasing to attend church with withdrawing from society. There are lots of other ways to be involved in society apart from attending church!
Marty, when I read the first letter I thought of you. From what the author wrote, I’m guessing he and you would get along well.
Comment by: Doreen
4 09/14/06 6:14 AM | Comment Link |grrrrrrrrrr; that’s my first reaction to the 2nd letter
Of course, we have the benefit of knowing you somewhat better than the letter writer.
It takes a tremendous amount of courage to question one’s faith, to question the religion of one’s upbringing or past, to question how various congregations “be” the church.
The 1st letter gave me goosebumps.
Comment by: Helen
5 09/14/06 6:59 AM | Comment Link |Doreen - good or bad goosebumps?
It makes me very happy that I can read the second letter and think “whatever” and let it go.
On the other hand, maybe I should try and get in contact with her and find out the location of the wondrous church she describes which “consists of fallible human beings who endlessly attempt to be accepting, tolerant, and compassionate toward others even when we do not share the same views.” (I’m a little confused why it takes courage to go to a church like that ;-) - but, like I said, “whatever…”)
Comment by: Doreen
6 09/14/06 7:13 AM | Comment Link |Helen, you crack me up! (And I’m not a morning person, so that’s quite a skill you have there.)
Good goosebumps on letter 1.
Letter 2, after letting it sink in a bit. Reminds me of the “Christians” who protest at various demonstrations and say “I’ll pray for you.” I love to respond “I’ll pray for you too.” So, while pity is too strong a word for the Letter 2 writer, I do feel sorry for her.
(Maybe the “you just haven’t found the right church yet” thing is too close to the “you just haven’t found the right man yet” thing for me? LOL.)
Comment by: Helen
7 09/14/06 7:38 AM | Comment Link |The right man, huh? I guess that would be a man who for some reason wants to marry a lesbian (i.e. someone who won’t be attracted to him in the same way he is to her)? I can see why you haven’t found one of them yet ;-)
Comment by: David H
8 09/14/06 11:16 AM | Comment Link |Maybe her church is as described to those who regularly occupy its pews, but obviously she doesn’t extend the same acceptance, tolerance or compassion to those outside that church. Isn’t that one of the key problems with “Christians?”
Perhaps it is just my narrow experience, but I have typically found that those who you can’t embrace people outside their group can’t really, truly embrace those inside the group either.
Comment by: Julie Marie
9 09/15/06 3:49 AM | Comment Link |boy, lose a day due to a network cable gone bad and look what I miss!
I am glad you are able to dismiss the brittle conculsions of letter writer #2 with a “whatever” Helen. That is soooo Healthy of you!
Comment by: Helen
10 09/15/06 4:17 AM | Comment Link |Thanks Julie Marie!