Posted by Helen on: 10.03.2006 /
I was thinking about friendship yesterday.
- How do you define ‘friend’?
- How did you meet the best friends you have?
- How have your friendships changed over time?
- If someone said to you “I want to be your friend” would that draw you to them or push you away?
- What’s one of the best things a friend has ever done for you?
Semi-Related Posts
Comment by: Julie Marie
1 10/3/06 4:02 AM | Comment Link |a person who is under no obligation to get along with me but enjoys spending time with me anyways.
along the way, doing what was important to me. One was a work friend - and when work got really stressful, our friendship grew. Then we became mommies within a year of each other and our children enjoy playing together. We are also spiritually compatible - she really proved herself to be my friend in the way she has handled the transition in my beliefs from fundy to liberal and beyond.
As a wife, mother, employee, daughter, sister…I have less time for my friends now. I just recently realized I really miss spending time with my friends. I’m not a person with a wide social circle - I’ve got 3 really close friends, and 3 or 4 less deep but nonetheless enjoyable friendships.
That seems forced to me, and I would not react in a wide open way. ISTM that friendships grow naturally when people who do things they enjoy do them together. Then they start to care about each other and are willing to do supportive things that, while perhaps not enjoyable, are rewarding and satisfying nonetheless.
As a labor of love, after my spinal fusion, one of my friends came over and cleaned my house. And I mean CLEANED. She stood up on the counters and cleaned the ceiling fixtures - she was that thorogh. She spent the whole day here making things nice for me. Which was so nice b/c we enjoy a clean house and at that time I couldn’t even get out of a chair without help!
Comment by: Mike O
2 10/3/06 12:32 PM | Comment Link |A friend will stand by you when it costs them something. Lots of people want to be around you when you’re on top. But only your friends will stick it out when you fall from grace, so to speak.
I have one best friend, and it just developed over time. I know I can trust him with any secret or problem. Sometimes a guy needs to confide in someone other than his wife, and I’ve got one guy.
I’m not sure they have. Loyalty has always been key. I suppose less time together now, but I’m not really sure.
It would draw me to them. That doesn’t automatically mean we would be friends, but the possibility is there.
When my sister’s baby died, my friends put together the funeral and arrangements. Many of them didn’t even know her, so they did it for me as much as her. That meant a LOT.
Comment by: Helen
3 10/4/06 6:57 AM | Comment Link |For me to count someone as a friend, I need to be able to enjoy their company. Not that they aren’t allowed to have times when they’re too sad to be entertaining - I’m fine with that. Overall they need to be people I look forward to being with.
My change in belief has complicated the ‘friendship’ issue for me since many of my friends are evangelical Christians.
I still like them as much as I did - but it’s not fun to talk about my change in belief, yet of course it’s a major issue.
So I’m not sure how to deal with that.
I’m thankful to have some Christian friends who know all about it and have the “I can handle it; let’s be friends anyway”.
To some extent I think this shows who my ‘real’ friends are. Meaning, if there seems to be nothing left now my beliefs have changed, perhaps there never was a friendship there in the first place.
I think the conservative evangelical Christians who are my ‘real’ friends are more disposed to ‘deal gently’ with me and realize that debate or strong challenges are only going to alienate me further.
I hope Mike won’t mind if I share something I didn’t tell him before we met: I was wondering how he would deal with my ‘change in belief’ when we met in person. I was a little apprehensive, to be honest, based on my experiences with some other conservative evangelical Christians lately.
It meant a lot to me that Mike was happy to focus on getting to know me and that any questions he asked about my beliefs were part of that, rather than being motivated by a need/urgency on his part to try to push me back to believing what he believes.
It touches me when someone wants to be my friend - I appreciate that. However, in the instances I can remember when someone has actually said they want to be my friend, I’ve felt like backing away because my sense is that they meant “I think I can help you” - they haven’t said it as ‘peer to peer’. And I want to avoid being ‘under the authority’ of someone who indicates they feel it’s appropriate to assume authority over me in that way.
Julie Marie I’m so glad someone helped you with what mattered to you when you needed help - cleaning your house when you couldn’t.
Mike, it’s neat to hear how your friends helped your sister. Losing a baby must be one of the most heartbreaking things anyone can go through.
I really appreciate the people who helped me when I was ill. One person drove me to get groceries when I wasn’t allowed to drive. A few other people helped look after my children. (Most of these people were evangelical Christian friends)
Comment by: Helen
4 10/4/06 8:55 AM | Comment Link |One more thing: I enjoy my relationships with people who aren’t evangelical Christians much more than I used to, since my change in beliefs.
Now I can relax and enjoy the relationship and we can talk about whatever is of mutual interest or go wherever is of mutual interest. Being free from the sense that I ought to try to do things like get them to church or talk about ‘the gospel’ has been absolutely wonderful.
Comment by: Doreen
5 10/4/06 10:34 AM | Comment Link |Ah, one of my favorite topics. And timely, too. I just got back from the 30th HS reunion of a class I did not graduate with - we moved after 8th grade.
Someone who knows me really well and likes me anyway.
At school or work.
We see each other less but appreciate each other more.
I would be afraid of anyone who said that to me after 3rd grade.
Asked me, “What are you doing with HER?” and convinced me I was with someone who was not good for me. That’s a rare friend indeed.
Comment by: Julie Marie
6 10/4/06 10:52 AM | Comment Link |yes, I’d agree completely.