Posted by Helen on: 10.30.2006 /
Megan Ady has kindly agreed to be our tenth online interview candidate. (You can read all our online interviews here).
The purpose of this interview is to give you the opportunity to listen to Megan as she shares her thoughts and opinions with you.
If you want to discuss whether Megan’s views are correct, we invite you to do that here on the discussion board. Megan is welcome to participate in discussions there about her views if she wants to. If she doesn’t have the time or inclination that’s fine with us - we don’t consider doing so ‘part of the interview’.
I’d like to post more online interviews. If you’d like to send one in, you can find the instructions and questions here.
What screen name do you post under — so we know you when we see you?
Meg
Would you like to share any of the following so we can know you better: your age range, whether you’re married or single, have children, what kind of work you do, what area of the U.S. (or other country) you live in?
I am 36, married to wonderful Benjamin Ady, mother of lovely Eowyn (4) and darling Cosette (2). I am Australian, have travelled to 50 countries, met Bens in Argentina, married him on a beach in Australia and live in Seattle, USA. I’m a journalist and photographer, but my work these days consists of caring for my little Princesses and writing books for them!!!
What do you like to do when you have some time to yourself?
I love immersing myself in the glorious freshness of nature. Hiking to an alpine lake and diving into its icy depths is my favourite thing to do around here.
Please share with us something you really enjoy about your life.
My little family. They are so interesting, delightful, surprising and I just love their smells and their voices and their eyes and their love.
If you could wave a magic wand and change one thing about you or your life, what would it be?
The childhood traumas which make my life challenging. I would be magically emotionally healthy and stable and wise.
How did you find Conversation at the Edge (or, the eBay atheist blog) and what drew you to post in the comments section?
My husband Bens talks about it alot. I haven’t been sleeping lately, so go for internet surfs late at night and … here I am!
Is this the first time you’ve participated in any online discussions on the internet? If not, could you share with us what other sorts of online discussions you like to participate in?
My family live on four different continents, and we and a knot of other old friends blog regularly, to stay connected.
Has posting on Conversation at the Edge (or the eBay atheist blog) changed you in any way?
It’s validated my wonderings about elements of Christian culture which really irk me.
Were you raised going to church and are you currently a church attender?
My Dad is an Anglican vicar. I went to church all through my childhood, adolescence and twenties.
What is your main reason for choosing to be a church attender/not to be a church attender at present?
I’ve had a pretty bad run of church experiences since arriving in the USA nearly 6 years ago. The worst were 1) Heritage Baptist Fellowship, Monroe, WA, where the pastor yelled at me and slammed his fist on the table in response to me telling him my husband loved me more than his church, and that’s why we were leaving. 2) Morning Star Community Church, Seattle/Shoreline, WA, where the women told me my dresses were too short and my house was too messy, after coming over to ‘help’ right after I nearly died from a placental abruption whilst giving birth to Eowyn.
Apart from church are there any groups you participate in regularly for faith-based, social and/or self-improvement reasons?
I lead a writing group and help in the hygiene corner at New Horizons drop-in centre for homeless youth, Belltown, Seattle.
Is there anything else (outside work and family) which you devote significant time to? Or used to, or hope to in the future? (We understand that for some of you, work and family takes up almost all your time at present)
TRAVEL!! Our family took a 2 month roadtrip around the USA over the summer. 33 states, lots of art galleries, beaches, wild animals, mountains, rivers, trees, people, rocks, horizons… Reading. Sex. Conversation.
Please answer the following questions if your beliefs differ in any significant way from this: “Every human being has a “sin’ problem separating him/her from God and the only way to resolve my own sin problem is to believe that Jesus is God and Jesus took care of it for me”.
Has anyone ever called you “lost”? Have you heard or read anything which tells you that some people talk about you like that behind your back?
Yes
How would you/do you feel about being called “lost”?
Angry and misunderstood. My ideas are so much more complex than the simple and basically wrong assumptions people can make.
Do you feel “lost” in any way — is there anything you’re trying to find, or is anyone trying to find you, as best you can tell?
Yeah - I relate to Bono - I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. Sorry to be cliche-ed, but that song really does express my lost-found tension well.
Are you aware of any assumptions people make about “the lost” which don’t apply to you?
That they’re stupid and haven’t thought out their beliefs and understandings.
How do you like to describe yourself regarding what you believe or have no belief in?
In the essence of my being I believe in Jesus.
What (else) would you like to tell the people who call you “lost” if you thought they were listening?
Because I’m struggling to embrace the gray and prefer story to ‘truth’ doesn’t mean my ideas should be disregarded.
Do you own a Bible? Do you ever read the Bible or look anything up in it? If so, what is your main reason for doing so?
Yes. Bens gave me ‘The Message’ a few years ago. I try to read it, because I think it’s good for me, but I get cross with it.
As best you know, has anything in the Bible influenced you in a good way (directly or indirectly)?
Yes. The concept of Pneuma, God’s life, breath, spirit, wind, Ruach - I heard Eugene Peterson speak about this on Valentine’s Day, just before Eowyn’s birth, when she and I were struggling to live and I cried out to Jesus and asked him to breathe his Pneuma into us, and he did. We both lived. And yet in those moments facing death, the thought that Jesus was not real, and I was about to die and end and no longer exist was what haunted me. And still does.
As best you know, has anything in the Bible influenced you in a negative way (directly or indirectly)?
Yes. I manage to find the scary bits and assume the rejection and condemnation is about me.
Has anyone expressed disapproval to you about your own personal opinion, or use, of the Bible? What would you like them to understand better about you and the Bible, were it possible?
YES! I wish they would understand that my doubt and struggle and honesty are Jesus-ish
Is there anything I forgot to ask that you’d like to tell us?
My story is difficult for me to make sense of. I grew up in a lovely Christian family which ignored the horrific emotional abuse of us all by my paternal grandfather. This meant that, however beautiful my experiences of Jesus and worship and Christianity, none of these things were able to engage the reality of my pain, fear and insecurity.
The first time these things were really engaged was when I went off to Argentina, as journalist and photographer on board LOGOS II, a Christian ship, and had a break-down and really good counselling with Allan Adams and Myles Toews. This was life-changing, the first time I really could believe, just a little bit, that God might actually love me.
What’s confusing is that before this, I had been preaching, evangelising, worship leading, discipling and praying very impressively. Now I don’t know what to do with that time, that ‘Happy Christianity’. People in churches liked me much better then. These days I find it really hard to fit in at church, so I’m caught in a struggle between giving up on church and keeping on trying, despite my failed efforts.
Comment by: Julie Marie
1 10/30/06 7:55 AM | Comment Link |Thanks for doing the interview Meg. I’m glad to get to know a little more about you.
What a practical way you have found to help MTWABP with a drop in hygiene center.
Comment by: Eliza
2 10/30/06 8:04 AM | Comment Link |Megan,
Wow. Thanks for sharing yourself with us. Reading about your experiences brought tears to my eyes.
Comment by: Rachel
3 10/30/06 1:53 PM | Comment Link |Megan, thanks for sharing and for being so real and honest and poetic.
Comment by: Helen
4 10/30/06 7:30 PM | Comment Link |Meg wrote:
I hear you - I know there are people who liked me better before my beliefs changed.
Meg, I like you very much how you are now.
Comment by: Meg
5 10/30/06 11:30 PM | Comment Link |Thank you so much, Helen, Rachel, Eliza and Julie Marie for your very encouraging comments! I’m really looking forward to meeting you all on Friday! Bens and I are just home from a most interesting and enjoyable discussion of the devil at a pub, by The Kindling’s Muse
Comment by: David H
6 10/31/06 7:18 AM | Comment Link |Life is the struggle in my experience. That doesn’t change because you are “saved.” There is hope to find Christians willing to struggle with you and accept your struggling, but I don’t have any sage wisdom on how to find a church of them. I just sort of stumbled into mine and that was after I stopped looking. I don’t know that it helps, but I often tell myself to stop worrying about where Jesus is waiting for me to go and realize that he is always where I am and will walk every step with me to where I end up.
Comment by: Karen
7 10/31/06 8:00 AM | Comment Link |Meg, thanks for your story. You sound like you have a wonderful family. :-)
I went through something very similar several years ago now. It has taken me a long, long time to sort out what happened, how I changed and the church didn’t keep up and how to think about that earlier time in my life. It’s almost like coping with a death - there’s anger, denial and ultimately acceptance. This site has helped me work all that out.
In my case, I’ve concluded that I kept evolving as a person (a good thing) and that evolution simply couldn’t accommodate my earlier beliefs. Individual growth is wonderful, and my life is happier and more fulfilling now, but it’s also difficult. At some point, I could have tried to squelch the growth in myself, or turn back the clock on my development, but I truly think that would have been devastating, mentally and emotionally. I am very glad I didn’t seriously try to do it.
Have you considered giving it a rest? Maybe taking a 6-month “time out” from church? I did that, then went back and tried several churches that I hoped would be more appropriate. Eventually, I didn’t go back at all, but I’ve known people like me who did take a hiatus and then found a good fit for themselves later.
But taking that break can help sort things out and allow for some emotional and mental “cooling off” time that can be helpful during a major life re-evaluation.
Comment by: Kate C
8 10/31/06 3:34 PM | Comment Link |Megs,
I think your story is wonderful and honest. I think it’s better to be an honest agnostic than a lying saint. I find church very difficult these days too, and find myself going more for Bruce and for the sense of community than for the teaching. Like you, I sometimes (often!) yearn for the simplicity of the faith I (we) had at 18 before I remind myself how much I have grown in other ways since then.
Comment by: Meg
9 10/31/06 9:38 PM | Comment Link |David - I very much like your comment about relaxing and realising Jesus is with me now, rather then stressing about where to find him. Thanks!
Karen - I liked what you said about how the process of growing out of church is one of grieving. The process concept, applied to my story, helps me be patinet. Thanks!
Kate - I am so thankful for our friendship, for more than half our lives! Your story and empathy are incredibly comforting, having been teenager Christians together. It makes me realise that ‘back there’ is conceptual, in my mind, and maybe many of us have grown into new spaces of mind which are free-er, more accepting, gray, open and lovely!!! Love you!!
Comment by: Meg
10 10/31/06 9:41 PM | Comment Link |Oops!! rather THAN, and PATIENT!!!
i’m eating my children’s Hallowe’en candy! We’re just in from a lovely evening meeting our neighbours, trick or treating. Being Australian, i didn’t grow up with hallowe’en, and think it’s a lovely, community building holiday.
Comment by: Meg
11 10/31/06 9:44 PM | Comment Link |And thanks all of you for being so accepting - It’s very healing (and pleasantly surprising) for me to not be condemned for having had negative experiences at church.
Comment by: Kate C
12 10/31/06 10:41 PM | Comment Link |Megan,
I just remembered that EU leader at Sydney Uni who didn’t want either of us for an EU leader. Perhaps it was obvious even then that we didn’t fit that specific evangelical ‘Sydney’ mould. Ironically, at the time I would have been quite happy to fit in had they given me the opportunity!
Comment by: Meg
13 11/2/06 11:39 PM | Comment Link |Me too! I really questioned and doubted myself about that. I am glad that I’m not alone…
Comment by: Meg
14 11/4/06 3:32 PM | Comment Link |Hi bloggers! i’m at off the map’s revolution! rachel is sitting just in front of me! i’ve met mike o and helen and peter and it is very excellent to realise that these people we’re blogging with are real!! it’s been excellent being in a place where the range of acceptable answers is broader than any gathering of this many people i’ve ever been in! for me, these days have been comforting, helaing, inspiring, and brought hope for me to somehow MTWABP when previously, after working in the third world, and in other contexts i’ve been confronted with the deep sadness of life, i had only experienced despair.