Giving gifts

10 Responses to "Giving gifts"

• Comment by: Kathleen

  1 12/5/06 5:10 PM | Comment Link |

  1) I love giving gifts. I hate choosing them. If I happen to come up with something wonderful for someone, I love it, but otherwise deciding what to give is very stressful. (Example: 2 Secret Santa gifts due this weekend. I have an awesome idea for one (for my roommate, so it’s easy!) and just have to actually buy it. I’m completely lost for the other. What do you buy a 20 year-old guy you kind of know, but not that well, for $10-15? Anyone?)

  2)I don’t have kids, but I don’t think that I was ever actually taught “it’s better to give than to receive.” I’m sure my parents believe it, and I came to the conclusion on my own, but no one ever told me that.

  3)I’m not very creative. I’d love to hear any suggestions that anyone else has, though!

  4)I’ll take this at face value and not go into abstractions or anything (friendship, joy, etc). Last year on my birthday, I was having a miserable day. I had no plans, had to work all day, left-overs for dinner; I just wanted something more birthday-y, and it didn’t happen. So I storm in the door after work, depressed/annoyed, and there’s a package for me - a friend from school had decorated a frame with a collage of pictures of us from the year and mailed it to me, and it arrived exactly on my birthday. It was simple, but wonderful a) because it came when I most needed it and b) because it was handmade and showed a lot of effort on her part, which was welcome on a birthday when no one else seemed to very interested in me.

  5)This goes slightly more into the abstractions, I suppose, but this past year my cousin and I came home from school to surprise my sister on her birthday. We were worried my mom had given it away, but the look on her face when we walked in assured us that the secret had been safe. The actual gift I gave her was boring and received an appropriate response, but it was great to see how happy she was to have us show up. (We’d been really excited to surprise her, and then started to worry that we were overestimating our own importance, and that maybe our presence wasn’t quite what we were making it out to be - but apparently we hadn’t been too far off the mark!)

  And speaking of Christmas, but getting off-topic, are you familiar with the song “The Christians and the Pagans” by Dar Williams? It makes me think of OTM every time I hear it.

• Comment by: benjamin ady

  2 12/5/06 5:21 PM | Comment Link |

  I’m boycotting the gift giving thing. So here’s my wish list.

• Comment by: Helen

  3 12/5/06 6:08 PM | Comment Link |

  Kathleen, I feel the same way - giving gifts is fun but choosing them is often stressful.

  That collage was a wonderful present!

  We did the ’surprise’ visit once. My father-in-law was having a party for his 60th birthday. We said we couldn’t fly over from the US to the UK just for that. But it turned out my husband had to be in England on business the week right after the party. So we decided to all fly over for the party and surprise his parents. It was great fun to show up at their front door and surprise them on the day of the party!

  Benjamin I wish I could give you some of the things on your list.

• Comment by: Eliza

  4 12/5/06 11:11 PM | Comment Link |

  I like planning to give gifts, thinking about what someone would like, but then time rushes by and I end up trying to do it last minute (or late). For example, my stepmother’s birthday is on December 8, and she lives 1000 miles away, and I haven’t yet acted on the idea I have on a little stickie on the calendar. *Sigh* There’s always flowers!

  Kathleen - How about a pair of movie passes, for the 20yo guy? (Though you’d want to make it clear you’re not hinting that he should invite you!). I’d suggest a gift card to a music store, but so many people just download tunes from the internet these days…

  Benjamin - I hope some of the things on your list come to pass. (I think the Gates Foundation is working on the vaccine…)

  Helen - what a fabulous surprise for your father-in-law!

• Comment by: Laura M.

  5 12/6/06 4:09 AM | Comment Link |

  Believe it or not, the best present I ever recieved was a toaster and some ‘bread’ as my brother put it, when he gave me the gift.

  I had, just a few weeks earlier, lamented the fact that my toaster had died and what with Christmas coming and having four kids and all I just wouldn’t be able to get around to replacing it for awhile. My brother laughed at me, saying that toasters didn’t cost that much , to which I replied that I didn’t even have enough cash to buy something that inexpensive when I knew it would only be for
  me. (My kids weren’t into toast).

  I was thrilled enough when I opened the wrapping and found the toaster inside (can you tell from this story how much I LOVE toast?), but what was even better was the ‘bread’ stuffed inside it. Bill after bill of cold hard cash.

  Maybe it’s selfish, seeing as how it’s so much better to give than to recieve and all, but there’s definitely something to be said for getting exactly what you WANT and NEED every once in awhile.

• Comment by: Helen

  6 12/6/06 4:24 AM | Comment Link |

  Laura, thanks for your comments. How thoughtful it was of your brother to pay attention and get you exactly what you needed!

  I respect that some people truly have needs and there’s nothing wrote with being happy when you receive it.

  To me “it’s more blessed to give than to receive” isn’t intended to invalidate people who have genuine needs; it’s more a challenge to anyone who has something they can give, to experience the joy of giving.

  Wow, I didn’t know you have four kids - you had just mentioned the one daughter, I think, in your comments on our other blogs. As a Mom I expect you’re giving all the time! :-)

  (I think that’s one of the biggest shocks of parenthood - how much giving it turns out to involve. It’s one thing to know it in theory but it’s quite another to experience it in practice! And I only have two children…)

• Comment by: Helen

  7 12/6/06 4:25 AM | Comment Link |

  Eliza - yes, my husband’s parents were thrilled!

• Comment by: Laura M.

  8 12/6/06 12:18 PM | Comment Link |

  No,
  thank YOU Helen. I always appreciate your considerate replies.

  Yes, FOUR kids, and whats more, ALL their birthdays fall between October and December. I sure know a thing or two about the stress of gift shopping/giving this time of year. I thought I’d spare us all those gruesome details and focus on the joys of RECEIVING a thoughtful gift.

  I know in my sarcasm I probably came across as though I were dissing the blessings derived from ‘giving’ , but I meant this more as a tongue-in-cheek, rolling my eyes, laugh at myself.

  It sounds silly, especially since we girls are supposed to want jewelry and flowers and such, but I thought that toaster (and money!) was the sweetest gift I’d ever been given (besides love notes from my kiddos, of course).

  It’s always nice to know someone hears your needs.

• Comment by: Helen

  9 12/6/06 12:42 PM | Comment Link |

  Laura M wrote:
  

  It’s always nice to know someone hears your needs.

  It sure is!

  Laura I’m glad you made it over here from the OA blog. It’s fun to have you participating in the conversations here.

• Comment by: Julie Marie

  10 12/6/06 1:02 PM | Comment Link |

  I find “occasion” gift giving to adults is very stressful. I’ve found my loved ones tend to buy what they want as they go along, so I have to rack my brains to be meaningful. Its easier to give spontaneously during the year when I see something that just needs to be given. Buying for kids is easy though. I find overbuying to be more of a problem and its surprising to me b/c I didn’t grow up lavishly, and I’ve certainly read enough about the potential for material spoiling present for only children of middle aged parents…yet I find myself doing it anyways. sigh. this year we are going (Cody and I at least) to give out donuts to emergency and hospital personnel who are working on Christmas eve. Probably no one needs donuts, but still, everyone likes them :)

  I’m almost embarrased by my most memorable gift…not that I don’t like fancy gifts and clothes…but my husband showed he was really thinking about my comfort when he came home from Lowes one day with a really nice space aged kneeling mat for me to use–I was at the beginning of a big gardening project and he noticed I didn’t like to wear kneepads. What I liked about the gift was that it showed he was really observing what I was trying to do and wanted to make my life easier. Hardly romantic, I know…but it made me feel cared about.