Posted by Rachel on: 01.31.2007 /
by Rachel
This weekend I had the privilege of participating in Convergence, a conference sponsored by NW Emerging Women Leaders. It was held at McMenamin’s Edgefield in Troutdale, near Portland OR. This conference initially came to my attention because my best friend Karlene was one of the ministers organizing the event. Normally, I would prefer a root canal to attending a women’s conference, but Karlene assured me that this one would be different, so I decided to give it a try. It turned out to be a wonderful experience and I am very glad I attended.
The 65 conference attendees were a very diverse group — women of all different ages and life seasons, from young punk women with dreadlocks and tattoos to older conservatively dressed grandmas. And of course, a few grandmas with dyed hair and tattoos. :-) There was a wide range of religious backgrounds — Catholic, Baptist, Pentecostal, Lutheran, Episcopal and many more. Some women were part of nondenominational churches, some house churches and others not in a faith community. There were married women, single women, widows, mothers (including one with a newborn baby) and one woman who was going to be getting married in the park a few hours after the conference was over! Some of the women were ordained ministers; others were lay leaders in their communities. There were women whose favorite color is clearly pink and others who obviously love black. Most were from the Northwest but a handful of women had flown in from other parts of the country. In the midst of all the diversity, there was one point of commonality: we are all followers of Jesus, whatever that looks like in our context. And that was enough to unite us.
Friday evening we met informally in one of the restaurants on the hotel grounds. As each woman came in, she was greeted like an old friend and we took several hours to get to know each other. Each of the women was so open and authentic. During dinner, the facilitators of the conference were circulating a sign-up sheet, encouraging the attendees to sign up to do a prayer or song before a meal or lead an early morning yoga or meditation session or whatever. The focus was on group participation and the list was flexible according to a person’s skills and inspiration.
Mike Clawson, your lovely wife Julie sat at my table and I must say that you are a lucky man! Her smile lights up a room and she is such an intelligent and thoughtful person. The thing that impressed me the most about Julie was when she shared about your experience of being removed from your pastorates in an unfair “heresy hunt.” I was amazed at the lack of bitterness and rancor as she relayed this experience. Instead her focus was on the future and on new opportunities to minister. Mike, I look forward to hearing about you and Julie’s future adventures!
On Saturday morning we met in a large ballroom for a wonderful breakfast. Then we enjoyed music with Angie and Mimi from Deb Loyd’s church The Bridge. We sang the beautiful old hymn “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing” and that song spontaneously became our theme song for the weekend. But all of the rest of the music was original compositions by Angie and her husband. I thought the music was simple, profound and beautiful. Angie and Mimi shared their music at various other points throughout the weekend. Next we played a game called “Speed Converging” in which you moved around the room at one minute intervals, each time finding a new conversation partner. The leader would read off a different question each time to spark interaction.
The next segment was called “Our Stories.” First, the group was invited to establish ground rules for our interaction; the women said things like “listen, don’t fix” and “no scripturizing.” Then we split into groups of five. One person was designated as the facilitator and had a list of open-ended questions, like “What does leading look like in your context?” and “What are your hopes and dreams?” Each woman had 15 minutes to share, while the others in the group listened quietly. At the end, the speaker could choose to ask for feedback or not. It was amazing what deep connections we were able to make in that amount of time. It was so refreshing to feel that it was OK to be completely honest and authentic and to be validated by other women. At the end, each small group designated a spokeswoman to share a “takeaway” and a question from their interaction with the larger group. Ours was “As women, so often we abuse rather than affirm one another” and “How do we change that?”
Then we had lunch, followed by a session called “Birds of a Feather.” These were interest groups on topics chosen by the attendees. All morning there had been posters on a table where women could write down a topic that they wanted to discuss and network about. Others would come along and add their name to a list that interested them. We were given an hour and half to converse on our chosen topic. I joined a group on the topic of “Poverty, Justice & Compassion.” We had a great discussion, each person sharing their areas of passion and involvement, exchanging practical ideas for living more compassionately and sustainably, sharing interesting facts we had learned and resources we knew about. I was especially encouraged by three twenty-something women in our group who cared deeply about justice and were doing really wonderful, practical things in their community.
The next segment was an intergenerational panel of six women in ministry, ranging in ages from 20 to 71. Three of the names might be familiar to those of you who have attended OTM conferences — Kelly Bean, Deb Loyd and Lisa Domke. The panel facilitator had a list of questions that had been contributed by the attendees. The panelists shared about the joys and struggles of vocational ministry and about their own journeys. I was especially impressed by Deb Loyd’s beautiful mother, who is leading a homeless outreach program at an age when many people are enjoying a leisurely retirement. The program ended at 5pm and we were free for the evening to dine at one of the restaurants, play pool, attend a wine tasting or whatever else we chose.
On Sunday morning, there was an early morning yoga and meditation option which I didn’t attend but I understand it was quite enjoyable. Then we met for another gourmet breakfast. I appreciated the fact that people really seemed to make an effort to sit with different table mates at each meal. I had so many wonderful conversations with the women there; many asked me about the ONE Campaign since I had an information table set up about it.
After breakfast, we did an activity called an Art Meditation, which many of us had never experienced before. We were given a sheet with some Bible verses and poems and encouraged to read over them and meditate on whatever stood out to us. There was a table full of colored tissue paper and other art materials and we collected the items we wanted to make a collage. Then we sat down at a table and created whatever we felt inspired to create. There was peaceful music in the background. I am not much of an artist and I didn’t have any expectations for this activity. But I ended up having a profound spiritual experience that was for me the most meaningful part of the conference. After we had completed the collage, we had the opportunity to share what it meant to us with the 4 or 5 other women at our table. Each person’s art and story was unique and beautiful. When it came to me, I was a little apprehensive because I knew that I could not speak without sobbing but I felt completely safe with these women. I shared a deeply painful memory and the healing truth that God had communicated to me through the art meditation. They responded with love and affirmation; a few of them got tears in their eyes. The women in my group were truly conduits of God’s grace and healing in my life.
Then we had singing, prayer and communion together. Two of the ministers gave a beautiful blessing over the bread and wine and served it to us. When I got up to the minister who was holding the goblet, I had the impluse to kneel down and then she knelt down also in front of me so I could dip my bread into the wine. I think that was the first time in my life that I have ever been served communion by a woman. It was the most moving and meaningful communion I have ever received.
Next we sat in a large circle and each woman was given a candle. One by one, we lit our candles from the woman next to us and told something about what the conference had meant to us. So many women shared how they had felt isolated or discouraged and how the conference had inspired and refreshed them. When it was my turn I said, “I would never have thought that a room full of church ladies could be a safe place, but this has been.” A young punk woman shared how she had always felt that church people were the enemy, that they judged her based on her appearance and how she had felt loved and accepted in this group. Then we wrapped up the event by talking about our hopes and dreams for the future, both individually and as a network of emerging women leaders.
I really appreciate the wonderful team of women who put the event together. I’m glad they had the courage to facilitate an organic event and not to try and control the agenda or the outcome. My friend Karlene and I got into a discussion afterward about the difference between a “boundary-focused group” and “a center-focused group.” She said that a boundary-focused group sets clear guidelines for who is in and who is out; if someone wants membership in the group, they must conform to the group norms. But in a center-focused group, people come together because they share their commitment to and focus on the center. In the case of this group, the center was Jesus. And love for Jesus was the basis of our unity.
Here are some links for the blogs of some other women who have also written about the conference:
http://emergingwomen.blogspot.com/
http://decompressingfaith.blogspot.com/
http://www.sarcasticlutheran.typepad.com/
Comment by: Helen
1 01/31/07 7:12 AM | Comment Link |Rachel, thanks - this is a wonderful report on the conference!
I’m so glad it turned out to be better than a root canal - lol :).
I wrote a longer response but my computer froze and I lost it - oh well. I’ll have another go at it later when I have time.
Rachel, did you make any decisions at the conference, or is there something you can identify already which is going to make your life different going forward? Or are you still thinking that through?
Comment by: Lily
2 01/31/07 9:00 AM | Comment Link |Hey Rachel - it was very nice to meet you last weekend! This is a great post about what went on - much more comprehensive than mine.
It seemed to me you had a great experience - and I’m glad it turned out to be a safe place for you - I totally related to what you said about that.
I blog under the name Lily - but I’m a.k.a. the chick with the pink hair.
Comment by: ncxian
3 01/31/07 12:35 PM | Comment Link |Wow, that really does take an amazing amount of courage. I’m glad it worked out.
I’m wondering what your expectations were going into the conference, perhaps what outcomes you believe the organizers were after. Did you get what you expected and/or what they expected you to get?
Comment by: Helen
4 01/31/07 12:52 PM | Comment Link |Rachel wrote:
Wow, I love that women were invited to participate, right at the conference.
I’m glad you enjoyed meeting Julie. Mike and Julie seem quite involved in organizing Emerging get-togethers so I expect you will hear plenty about them.
“No scripturizing” - lol :). Great ground rules!
It would be wonderful to be able to turn a group of women tending to be judgmental of each other into a more affirming one. Did you come up with any ideas how to do that? Or did the session end with sharing the question?
I love that groups were created this way right at the conference, based on shared interests. What a great idea!
I’m glad to hear the art meditation was so meaningful and healing for you. I think doing an art meditation might have created a painful memory for me! But maybe not; maybe I would have been brave and done something, in an environment that affirming.
How neat that she knelt down with you so you could dip your bread in the wine.
I am moved when I’m in the presence of women doing things I’m used to only men doing. (As long as the women are free to do them their way and aren’t limited to the ways men do them)
Wouldn’t it be great if everyone had a group like this that they could be part of? (I think so, anyway)
I love that distinction - ‘boundary-focused’ vs. ‘center-focused’. That does get to the core of the issue.
I wonder if I would feel like I belonged at a conference like this, or I would still be off the map that everyone else there seemed to be on?
At the Off The Map conference I was out in the hallway during worship and a lot of the talks. Maybe that’s how it would be if I went ot a conference like this. I’d really enjoy the interactive sharing/discussion times but I would probably be out of the room for worship time, looking for someone else out of the room to talk to.
Comment by: Rachel
5 01/31/07 1:21 PM | Comment Link |Oh yes, I remember you! It was wonderful to meet you too!
I think the organizers went into the conference with the hope and expectation that women would connect and share their wisdom and stories with one another and they didn’t have a defined outcome beyond that. They planted the seed and watered it and gave it room to grow and it did. I know that they were happy with what blossomed there.
As far as my own expectations, I knew what the organizers were seeking because my best friend was on the leadership team. So I had pretty accurate expectations, or rather, lack of expectations. :-)
Comment by: Julie Clawson
6 01/31/07 1:28 PM | Comment Link |Rachel - it was great meeting you too. I really enjoyed our conversations and hearing about where you are at with church stuff. Thanks for posting such a detailed report here. And I’m like you - usually I would rather have a root canal than attend a womens event (crazy that I’m now helping plan them!!!), but this was a refreshing and encouraging experience.
Comment by: Helen
7 01/31/07 1:48 PM | Comment Link |I found a list of bloggers who were at the conference and have written about it:
Converging bloggers
Comment by: Rachel
8 01/31/07 6:10 PM | Comment Link |Hmmm…Well, I definitely walked away with some wonderful new friends and some practical ideas. But I’m not sure if I made any decisions. I think it was more a source of refreshment and encouragement because I am in a desert season right now in terms of my church community.
I think I’ve shared with you guys before that I attend a large Conservative Baptist church, which is kind of strange because at this point, I am neither conservative nor Baptist. But this is the denomination in which I was raised and my husband and I have attended this particular church for 10 years. Our best friends Karlene and Josh, who are currently attending seminary, plan to plant an emerging church here in our town and my husband and I plan to join them in that adventure when the time comes. Hopefully we will be able to start growing this new community within the next year.
But in the meantime, we feel that God wants stay at our current church until we enter this next season of our lives. And I can see clearly the reasons for this but it is also difficult and lonely. Being at the emerging women’s event was inspiring and uplifting and I felt like I was at truly at home and able to connect with God in an environment of freedom.
Comment by: Eliza
9 01/31/07 7:18 PM | Comment Link |Rachel - thanks for sharing your experience with us - it sounds like a really welcoming group & event, and like a good way to recharge your batteries!
Comment by: angie
10 01/31/07 9:27 PM | Comment Link |Thank you for what you wrote. Your vulnerability is inspiring! I’m glad we had so many opportunities to talk. Thanks!
Comment by: jim henderson
11 01/31/07 11:33 PM | Comment Link |This makes me wonder- where do women who don’t identify with gatherings where following Jesus is valued go to find this kind of connection? or do they even need it?
One other question- why do a number of women say they would rather go to the dentist than to a woman’s conference?
Maybe we should take these responses over to church rater since it is kind of a review
your call Helen and Rachel
Comment by: Helen
12 02/1/07 7:32 AM | Comment Link |Jim, I posted one of your questions on Church Rater:
Root canal or womens’ conference?
I might post the other questions on here next week. If they haven’t been discussed already. Since I think people who don’t identify with groups where Jesus is valued are more likely to read CatE than Church Rater.
Comment by: Karen
13 02/1/07 10:03 AM | Comment Link |Rachel, I’m so glad you went to the conference and had such a terrific time! :-)
Comment by: Rachel
14 02/1/07 7:10 PM | Comment Link |The question was kind of thrown out there and we didn’t get into much group discussion about it. I felt that in that environment, we were being and doing and creating the safe and affirming place we all wanted.
But I’m not sure I know what it would take to actually change an existing judgmental group into an affirming one. The members of the group would have to recognize the problem and want it to be different…not just want it to be different but actually believe that it could be different.
I guess that often there is a “girls will be girls” mentality. There’s this idea that women judge and gossip and compete and vie for male attention and act two faced and care mostly about superficial things and that’s just the way it is - we just all have PMS so we act bitchy, we can’t help it and it’s not our fault.
There is so much unreasonable pressure on us as women. But maybe this is one area where we do need to expect more of ourselves. Because in some sense we perpetuate the unhealthy system by believing that women fighting over the scraps on the table is just the way it has to be.
Comment by: More Than Stone :: I’ll take the root canal, thank you. :: February :: 2007
15 02/2/07 5:01 AM | Comment Link |[...] A conversation was started at Conversation At The Edge about women’s conferences, which was picked up at Church Rater, and continued on Emerging women. The statement was made by Rachel that she would rather have a root canal than go to a woman’s conference. [...]
Comment by: Rachel Stanton
16 02/3/07 10:32 AM | Comment Link |[...] In the dialogue surrounding the Convergence conference, one theme that has come up is the intense pressure we women face to measure up to the ideal. Jamie shared how how she doesn’t feel that she fits the stereotype of a Christian woman because she is just “too much.” This is a message we receive a lot as women - that we are too much and not enough all at the same time. [...]
Comment by: Rachael K.
17 02/3/07 10:56 PM | Comment Link |Wonderful, thought-provoking comments, here.
I loved meeting all of you, and I hope this “convergence” happens again. I promise to not need medical attention next time around. *laugh*
Comment by: Rachel
18 02/4/07 7:56 AM | Comment Link |Hey, Ruby Lou! I’m so glad you are OK - we were all worried about you! I really enjoyed our conversation at dinner. Your activism and love for others is inspiring.