Posted by Helen on: 02.14.2007 /
Valentine’s Day seems to be mostly about romantic love (which, by the way, causes the same brain chemistry as going slightly insane).
According to Wikipedia, this focus came about in the Middle Ages. The Catholic Church designated February 14 as the Feast of St. Valentine centuries before that, in honor of a martyr named Valentine. Apparently it was a popular name – there was more than one martyr named Valentine – and we don’t know anything about any of them, although some stories were made up about them in the Middle Ages. In 1969 the Catholic Church dropped the feast, as part of a purge of saints which were considered too legendary.
So here we are, with a day disowned by its originator, with a name alluding to someone no-one knows anything about, honoring something which makes your brain behave as though there were something a bit wrong with it.
Not that I’m against romantic love per se, But I would prefer it if today could honor and encourage a different sort of love. The sort of love which is more of a choice – the choice to go do something kind for someone else. I learned about the ‘choice’ kind of love when I was in Bible studies and listening to sermons. The famous passage in the Bible about love, often read at weddings (and which the name of my personal blog comes from), is, imo, a list of choices we can make. These aren’t necessarily ‘emotionless’ choices – having compassion for others will encourage us to make them.
I suppose making someone you romantically love feel special today counts as an expression of ‘choice’ love. But if that’s all that happens today, everyone who isn’t in that sort of relationship is going to get left out. It would be neat if, for example, some people who romantically love each other could honor that love by together doing something out of ‘choice’ love for someone else.
Comment by: Eliza
1My neighbor, a single parent, inadvertently provided me with the most excellent way to spend this Valentine’s Day evening…he asked if I could watch his kids, so he could go out to dinner with a friend. When he asked a few days ago, I said yes, not even realizing today was Valentine’s Day. (Duh!) It was a great feeling tonight, getting his kids through their dinner, homework, some games, & off to bed, knowing he was getting the chance to enjoy Valentine’s dinner out with his special someone. I keep thinking I want to do more to help him out – I can’t imagine being a single parent, it would be so hard – but I’m never sure what to offer, when, and how. It wouldn’t have occurred to me to specifically offer to do something helpful on this particular day – that’s how long I’ve been married ;) – so I’m glad he asked!
Comment by: Meg
2how lovely Eliza!
And what a great thought, Helen! The ‘Choice Love’ revolution!!
I remember going with a group of girlfriends to one of them’s holiday house, just so we could escape the misery of another single Valentine’s day. It was much more fun than an awkward date, with lots more chocolate consumed, too!
Now, being parents of small children, Valentine’s Day is kind of lost in the exhausted mundane. Though I did give Bens one of the little Koala Valentine’s cards Eowyn and Coco gave to each classmate. He liked it!!
Comment by: Helen
3Eliza that was very kind of you. I hope your husband didn’t mind you’d committed to babysitting on Valentine’s Day evening!
I feel the same way about single parents: I can’t imagine how hard it must be, not having a spouse (or partner) to help.
Thanks Meg. I’m sorry you’ve been sick for so long :( (yes, I do read your blog) – it’s hard not to be exhausted when you have two small childrent to take care of and you’re sick.
Comment by: Rachel
4Thanks for that inspiring and thoughtful piece, Helen.
Comment by: Helen
5Thanks Rachel!
Comment by: Paul
6I was going to cook my wife a lovely dinner but since Debs has had flu most of this week I’ve been looking after her and the kids – dinner ingredients are still in the fridge awaiting our recovery ;)
Comment by: Eliza
7Paul,
Helping someone (or several someones!) through the flu is a much underappreciated expression of love, imo…not as photo-album-worthy as the dinner, but more important!
Comment by: Helen
8I agree, Eliza – I’m sure Paul’s wife is very appreciative of being looked after!