Posted by Helen on: 06.07.2007 /
When I glanced at the school announcements last week I was surprised to see this: “Students, just a reminder: do not accept food or candy from strangers. Occasionally people may offer you food or candy and those people may not be who they say they are and the food may be unhealthy for you.”
I understood why when I read this in last week’s local newspaper:
Parent sour on church’s candy give-away
Vineyard’s latest “no strings attached’ effort questionedWhatever happened to telling kids “Don’t take candy from a stranger?”
That’s the question Julian parent Robin Steele asked concerning Vineyard Oak Park’s recent church give-away at her sons’ school May 17.
As part of its gift outreach program, the church chooses various locations in Oak Park throughout the year and congregation members hand out simple free gifts, along with a card containing information about Vineyard. Last summer, they gave out free water during the heat wave. Last December, they handed out scotch tape for wrapping presents in Downtown Oak Park.
Recently, though, they have been outside after school at Percy Julian Middle School, 416 S. Ridgeland Ave., passing out candy to students-or blessings-on Thursdays and at Oak Park and River Forest High School, 201 N. Scoville, on Tuesdays. They also pass out gifts to adults at other locations in Oak Park.
The giveaway includes a business card with the phrase “God Loves You” on one side and “I Love God Candy” on the other.
In a letter in this week’s newspaper the pastoral interns defend what they were doing: Vineyard giveaway is a sweet gesture.
I knew the Vineyard church gave gifts to adults but wasn’t aware they were also giving them to children (middle schoolers and high schoolers) while their parents weren’t around.
I think it’s unwise for unknown adults to give children things without their parents’ permission. It could desensitise children to the real dangers presented by some unknown adults. I happened to see Robin yesterday, the parent the newspaper quoted as having concerns. She told me when she heard about the church candy giveaway she’d just heard a news story from North Texas in which school officials are warning parents about new form of the drug meth which looks like candy. That seems to be preventive but what’s to stop someone copying what the church is doing and offering children something which is actually dangerous? (To be fair, perhaps the North Texas warnings occasioned the warnings at my childrens’ school as well as the church candy giveaway)
I’m not surprised that parents raised concerns about what the church was doing. I think it was unwise of the church to respond publically in the newspaper by defending what they did rather than listening to the parents and realizing this causes parents needless worry. I wonder if the interns who gave away the candy have children and understand what it’s like to send your children out the door to school each day hoping nothing bad happens to them before they get home again. I don’t see how it really helps the parents that those adults think themselves trustworthy.
I did write to the church pastor and express my concerns. He said my concerns would be considered when they make decisions about next year. I appreciated that.
Comment by: Laura M.
1Helen,
Thanks for this post. I live in Dallas and my first thought as soon as I began reading this was about the ‘drug candy’ issue discovered here. I’m aware of three forms:
*marijuana lollipops and chewing gum, being sold right out of ice-cream trucks
*meth containing ‘pop-rock’ style candy
*strawberry flavored powdered candy containing LSD
Parents need to remind their children not to take any kind of gift from strangers when the child is not under the direct supervision of, or without the permission of, a responsible adult. Especially candy.
It’s good that the school issued the statement to the students through the school newsletter. This information really needs to be made available to any churches involved in this type of activity.
Comment by: Laura M.
2Helen, I just made an entry here that did not post. I hope you can find it for me.
Comment by: Laura M.
3Thanks Helen !
Comment by: Helen
4Laura, I found it :) - oh, you already saw that!
Thanks for your comment. About the announcement: not that it matters but it was actually one of the daily announcements made over the school intercom to all students. The school also puts a list of them on the school website so parents can see them. That’s where I saw it.
Putting them on the school website is a great idea now I’ve discovered that middle school students can’t be relied on to relay everything to parents.
This by the way shows how uninformed the interns are, to think that parents will see the little cards they tie to the candy they give out to middle schoolers and high schoolers. I expect the kids eat the candy and throw those away before they get home. And if adolescents don’t feel like telling their parents something, they probably won’t.
Comment by: Doreen
5Eeek! I’m so uncomfortable with strangers giving kids ANYTHING!!! I agree with you Helen, those cards would never make it home.
Comment by: Taylor Hasty
6Is this for real? Helen, you are exactly right there is no way that the business card makes it home (besides the fac that it is very cheezy)!
This seems like a much better way for a church to “serve” the community the way Jesus would have wanted them to. A church that came up with these ideas should be able to think of another way besides handing out “business card candy” to reach out to the community.
Comment by: Laura M.
7Daily announcements on the school website is such a great idea. My kids’ school website only has basic info about the school which is rarely updated.
I’ve never understood why that is. We are told no one has time to do it, but I’ve thought: why can’t it be a joint school project for the computer/communications students and school journal club students?
Comment by: Paul
8there has been a lot of press this week in the UK about a report as to how kids in this generation are becoming “cotton wool” kids - we wrap them up and protect them at home out of fear and at school out of fear [of being sued no doubt].
So i sympathise with the vineyard - maybe they’ll check with the school next time but i think their motives were good and if i’d been a kid i’d have accepted the candy and appreciated the kindness…
Comment by: Helen
9Paul, I don’t question the motives of the church at all. I realize this was an extension of what they have been doing for a while now: giving away small gifts to people hoping that will convey God loves them.
I’m fine with them giving gifts to adults but I would recommend they stick to adults, or children with parents, so they are not doing it behind parents’ backs and parents can say no if they want.
I think it could be argued that kids who take candy from strangers without giving it a second thought might need protecting - or at least need teaching more discernment and caution.
You go to a Vineyard church so it makes sense you’d trust Vineyard interns. But what about other parents who have no idea what Vineyard is? Would you encourage your child to take sweets from any unknown adult? Or only people who you think look trustworthy? How do you explain ‘trustworthy’ to your child?
I’m guessing that you are very protective of your children, notwithstanding the article. Are they ever looked after by adults you know nothing about?
Anyway, in ten to twelve years, when your kids are about the same age as mine, let me know if you are still ok with this candy giveaway idea ;-)
Comment by: Steve Sjogren
10Helen, Paul, Jim H., et al…
I have been emailed by several about this story and asked to give my opion regarding this situation since I came up with most of these give away ideas. If you know me in the least you are aware I have very little interest in defending any group…
In short…
This is a great example of a word a friend has coined - “hoodabada” - I.E., instead of “thinking the best, hoping the best” about others, we do the natural human thing which is the disappointing opposite - hoping and thinking the worst. This is a smaller version of millions of Americans rejoicing at the arrest and jailing of a Martha Stewart - “It’s about time - she got hers finally…”
That is not the Jesus way of regarding anyone, any group - believer or not-yet believer. CONFESSION: I literally wept when I read this story. Not because of the wisdom or lack of it regarding giving something to children (If you want to know my thoughts on giving things to children w/o their parents I will answer that in a direct email not here - I have answered this question many times). I wept over the public criticism aired toward other Jesus people who were trying to show love. When I see a “bullhorn guy” yelling at people I give him money and ask him to pray for me to have his boldness. Anyone doing anything - God bless them. Yes, grow in wisdom, but this criticism thing re evangelism / outreach has to stop - and now. To paraphrase D.L. Moody from a century ago, “How’s that working for you anyway?” steve @ coastlandtampa.com
Comment by: trissa
11I don’t think it’s about love when one gives children free candy and a card giving information about a church. It’s about agenda. Plus it could be very undermining of some parents who regulate the sugar their children eat.
Comment by: seekingsomething
12This is a really interesting post, Helen.
I also wouldn’t question the motives of the people responsible for this, but I would question the wisdom of those folk on this particular occasion. Whether or not it is an act intended to convey love, I think that common sense and concern for child welfare demand that we act with respect and caution around other people’s kids.
I agree that this might undermine parental authority about sugar intake. It also might cause health problems in the case of a child with diabetes or an allergy.
Moreover, regardless of how nice and genuine the giver on this particular occasion, I think that it’s a mistake to encourage kids to believe that strangers are necessarily safe people to take candy from. The church folk may well be decent folk, but what about the next person to go round handing out candy with a very different kind of ‘calling card’ attached? There’s a real danger here that the church might inadvertently play a part in helping in the process of grooming children to get caught up with much less desirable folk.
I am also from the UK and have been aware of the debate that Paul mentions about not wrapping kids up in cotton wool - my thinking is that the Church could much more helpfully assist parents to feel safer to allow their kids freedom by leading with a positive example… providing safe family activities and building long-term relationships in the community within a regulated framework of support that is realistic about the very real worries and risks that face parents and children.
I’m sorry if I’m joining in criticism that would cause the leader of this activity to weep. But I applaud those who challenge these ideas because the bottom line is that child safety has to come before the feelings of grown adults. Every time.
My own background is that I no longer attend church, but in the past used to belong to an excellent church where every youth worker or helper was required to provide references and undergo formal training in child protection issues before they were even allowed to serve juice from behind a counter at a church event. Although, for different reasons, I no longer have a faith in God, I still respect what the Church does and certainly don’t go around looking for the negatives in the world… on the contrary, there are so many examples of good practice in the church that it seems a shame not to learn from them and learn to let go of the ideas that in practice cause concern instead of demonstrating love.
Comment by: Laura M.
13A) As a parent it is my right to determine what my children do or do not accept from strangers, PERIOD. The parents of these children have the same right.
B) This has nothing to do with thinking the worst. My only assumptions here are accurate assumptions, I believe. My assumptions are:
People unknown to the children involved, adult people, stood outside a school and handed out candy to children, without parental, teacher, or the school’s permission or oversight.
C) Seriously,
who was hoping for the worst in this situation? What does that even mean? That sounds to me like the person making this comment is the person thinking the worst, by assuming and projecting this so called ‘hoping and thinking the worst’ motivation onto others.
D) I never rejoiced at the arrest and jailing of Martha Stewart. Whether or not people rejoiced at her troubles may be an interesting topic of conversation, but what does it have to do , in any way , with this issue?
E)
Why? People have a right to criticize anything they believe is wrong.
But again, I heard no one on this thread doing that (criticizing evangelism or outreach), so how does this comment relate to this conversation?
F)
Were all the parents of the children who were given candy Jesus followers? Were all the parents who may have been bothered by this Jesus followers? If not, then first:They are under no obligation to react to this situation the way Jesus would.
Second: Has Jesus told you his “way of regarding anyone, any group” which involves itself in an activitiy that basically teaches children it’s OK to take candy from strangers?
Comment by: Helen
14trissa, yes, there’s definitely an agenda.
Taylor, yes it’s for real - check out the sample cards here.
seekingsomething, thanks for understanding what the issue is and advocating for the safety of children.
Steve, thank you for your comment. I’ve responded in the new post
Servant evangelism or ‘being served’ evangelism?
Comment by: Helen
15Thanks Laura. Feel free to also post on the new blog entry where I reposted part of Steve Sjogren’s comment.
Comment by: Paul
16thanks Helen - your comment is a broader one around parenting styles. My goal is a parent is to train my kids so they can be independent from me and make their own decisions etc. To do this I start with a tight protective sense of boundaries and teach my kids how to be safe.
So if anyone turned up outside my son’s nursery [which is a poor example as all the parents are there] then I would have a different view - young kids are candy giver blind, lol.
However when my kids are old enough to walk home alone from school then i hope i have helped them learn about what is an acceptable way of behaving, accepting candy in a group or in a highly visible place as opposed to get in my car or come behind this fence etc. It’s about helping them process the situation and teaching them how to be safe.
If i can teach my kids to do that i’ll consider it a job well done, no matter if it’s vineyard, islamic fundamentalists or just a chocolate company giving out the sweets.
My wider view is that this is not the best kind of project - there is so much free stuff out there which is given away that i’m not sure how effective it would be. I’d rather be involed in something more relationship building and long term investment that just candy… but that’s my opinion :)
Comment by: Paul
17hi seekingsomething, good to see your thoughtful comments, thank you
Comment by: Helen
18Paul, thanks for your comment. Can you elaborate on how you’d like your kids to decide whether to take candy from an unknown adult, when they’re old enough to walk home from school without an adult?
I’m just curious how you’d like them to make that decision. I assume you won’t teach them “If it’s candy, take it!” What will you teach them?
Comment by: Paul
19well to caveat it with this is Debs and my approach to parenting - and of course it’s theoretical at the moment in terms of schools and walking home :)
In letting my child walk home from school I am making a decision that they are able to cope with the risks of that journey - from crossing the road to route safety - how and where they walk. One of the risks is that they may be approached by an adult who may not have their best intentions at heart.
I would hope that my children would have it drummed into them that they don’t go with them anywhere be polite and if they need help go find an adult they do know.
I think it is better to prepare my kids for that eventuality and teach them how to cope and what to be aware of.
Comment by: Paul
20And until i think they are able to make the journey to or from school with that awareness, I’ll basically make sure they are with an adult we do know for the journey there and back - which is one of the reasons Debs doesn’t work and i chose a job which was more family orientated and time flexible so more often than not we’re that adult :)
Comment by: Helen
21Thanks Paul - but, can you be more specific? I really would like to know what you’d tell your children to do if an adult they didn’t know offered them candy.
Comment by: Paul
22Make sure they got one for daddy ;)
Comment by: Helen
23I only just realized that Dave, the pastor of the church involved, blogged about the giveaway and newspaper publicity. Also, Steve Sjogren mentioned it on his blog.