Posted by Helen on: 03.30.2008 /
When I was a Christian, I didn’t think of everyday life as having intrinsic spirituality. Rather the opposite – everyday life was an unspiritual problem I hoped spirituality would resolve for me.
I tried to import spirituality into my everyday life so I could draw on it as a resource. I would get topped up with spirituality at church or Bible study. Or by spending time alone reading the Bible and praying to God. Then I would re-enter everyday life bringing my renewed supply of spirituality. Hoping it would be right there next time I needed it.
But that never worked very well. Somehow it seemed that spirituality was not a resource I could collect one place and use in another.
A few years ago I lost faith in church and Bible studies and prayer. All I had left was everyday life. I reconciled myself to this new reality and began to engage with everyday life instead of running away from it, mentally or geographically. I was pleasantly surprised to find at what I found when I opened myself up to all everyday life had to offer.
I didn’t abandon having values: instead I returned to the values I’d always believed in even before I was a Christian such as kindness and respect. I found myself appreciating all my relationships and conversations, not just those with Christians. I discovered there are amazing and special moments and opportunities in everyday life, waiting to be noticed by me.
I’d stopped thinking about spirituality because to me it meant separation from everyday life in a way I wasn’t interested in and couldn’t even relate to, anymore.
A couple of years ago when I first ran across Off The Map. I noticed they think of spirituality differently. They describe ordinary (everyday) attempts to ‘serve others’ as inherently spiritual. I was used to spirituality being narrowly defined and definitely something I had turned my back on. Now I’d found some people who thought I was spiritual just because I attempted to show kindness and respect in my everyday life.
Recently Beth Patterson e-mailed Off The Map to let us know about her site Virtual Treehouse. I was pleased to see that same idea in her site tagline: everyday life can be inherently spiritual. I picked up from Beth and the site the belief that as we connect with others in ways that bring out the best of our humanity, something spiritual is taking place whether we are using overtly spiritual language or not.
These days I think of myself as ‘almost an atheist’. I’m very comfortable not talking about spirituality at all. I know there are lots of people who react negatively to the concept – just as I did when I realized how much better it was to fully engage with everyday life than run from it. I’m also happy to hang with people who do talk about spirituality. As long as they don’t do it in a way which labels my way of living everyday life as ‘unspiritual’ and ‘wrong’.
I’m very pleased to have found people with whom I can talk of ‘living my everyday life’ and they talk of ‘being spiritual’ and we’re all referring to the same experience.
Comment by: Jim Henderson
1 03/30/08 6:56 PM | Comment Link |Is that brilliant or what?
Comment by: Jim Henderson
2 03/30/08 6:58 PM | Comment Link |I get the feeling (sometimes) that this is considered a radical idea by some Cs
Comment by: Helen
3 03/30/08 8:30 PM | Comment Link |Thanks Jim
Comment by: Julie Marie
4 03/30/08 8:52 PM | Comment Link |Helen, you have built a nice place for conversations here, and following the links you put up from time to time is uplifting too. It is easy to get discouraged about the state of well, almost anything, with the wonder of the internet and all the information we can consume. Your blog provides a wonderful balance to that. The reality is its not all bad, there are loads of good people going around with good hearts doing good things. Thanks for opening the door :)
Comment by: Jason Horton
5 03/30/08 10:43 PM | Comment Link |I’ve never really understood what is meant by “spirituality”. Could you give a narrow definition please from your Christian days and another from today.
Thanks.
Comment by: Sharon
6 03/31/08 2:33 AM | Comment Link |Thank you Helen. You have ‘verbalised’ they way I feel very well. I come from a very evangelical background but in recent years have to less and less comfortable with it- to the point where I too feel I can no longer honestly call myself a Christian. Part of the reason for this is that feeling of a dichotomy, the separation of ‘Spiritual’ and ‘Physical’ that never really seemed to work for me.
Since I’ve stopped ‘trying’ be be spiritual it has unexpectedly started seeming more natural. I’m still trying to work out what exactly being spiritual means- it is a term that has many different meanings to different people- but I feel I am a much more patient, tolerant and understanding person now than I was as a “Christian”, and that has to mean something.
Comment by: Ken Duble
7 03/31/08 4:27 AM | Comment Link |As another recovering evangelical, I can say spirituality comes much more naturally without the burden of having to convince someone my way is right in order to save them from hell.
Comment by: Helen
8 03/31/08 6:22 AM | Comment Link |Thanks everyone.
Sharon, your experience sounds a lot like mine.
Ken, it was a burden to me too which wasn’t helpful - although I didn’t realize how much of one until I put it down.
Jason, I’ll do my best:
In the Christian circles I moved in I was taught spiritual meant
The first part of what I wrote is about how this didn’t really work for me because mostly, as soon as I returned to ‘real life’, the ‘filling’ seemed gone. The evidence was that I didn’t find myself exhibiting the perfect patience of the Holy Spirit the first time circumstances or people frustrated me.
The other problem with this framework was that people who didn’t claim to be Christians at all often were more patient or kind than me.
So a) the process didn’t work and b) the good behavior of non-Christians cast doubt on the exclusiveness of ’spirituality’.
The definition of ’spiritual’ I ran into when I came across Off The Map is:
I was confused by this and skeptical at first. Atheists behave that way but why call that ’spiritual’ - it seems like a religious term? After a while I realized the awesome thing about this definition is, it puts everyone on the same level. Christians/followers of Jesus who use it believe ‘hey you can be as ‘good’ as me, whether you share my beliefs or not’. Whereas the Christian definition excludes everyone who doesn’t have the Holy Spirit, in spite of evidence that decent people who aren’t Christians behave as decently as decent Christians.
Jason, I don’t know if that helps explain. I hope it does, a bit.
Comment by: Jason Horton
9 03/31/08 7:16 AM | Comment Link |Ha, you make it sound like Christians are being possessed. ;)
I too, think of “spiritual” as a religious or supernatural term. A spiritual experience isn’t anything that I’ve ever had although I have felt a deep sense of awe and wonder at key moments in my life. Patient, kind and caring, to me, are human traits derived form empathy. There is nothing spiritual involved.
Meh! I’m probably just quibbling over semantics.
As a total aside the word “spirit” always makes me think of the Life of Brian scene where Pilate has captured Brian.
PILATE:
Hmm. Now, what is your name, Jew?
BRIAN:
‘Brian’, sir.
PILATE:
‘Bwian’, eh?
BRIAN:
No, no. ‘Brian’.
[slap]
Aah!
PILATE:
Hoo hoo hoo ho. The little wascal has spiwit.
CENTURION:
Has what, sir?
PILATE:
Spiwit.
CENTURION:
Yes. He did, sir.
PILATE:
No, no. Spiwit, siw. Um, bwavado. A touch of dewwing-do.
Comment by: Helen
10 03/31/08 8:21 AM | Comment Link |Thanks for the Monty Python clip, Jason :) I love Monty Python!
This is exactly the thought process I went through! At first I was thinking “Hey, there’s nothing ’spiritual’ about those things!” and it bothered me when I heard the word used that way.
Then I decided “If other people want to call them spiritual then is it worth fighting over words?
The important thing for me is 1) we (me and the people using the term ’spiritual’ that way) agree these traits are good and want to encourage them 2) we agree (if the evidence lines up with this) that humans who don’t self-identify as ‘Christian’ or ’spiritual’ or ‘believers’ are as able to express this goodness as humans who do self-identify in those ways.
Comment by: pamhogeweide
11 03/31/08 10:03 AM | Comment Link |i loved this piece of writing, helen. destined to be one of my faves put out by you.
everyday life is way too underrated. no where is this more apparent than in evangelical culture. you have perfectly described the tension many evangelicals contend with in trying to be people of faith. the failure to recognize the intrinsic spirituality of the daily grind trips many evangelicals into despising their ordianary lives. i ought to know: i was one of them.
great, insightful piece. i’m gonna have to link ya!
Comment by: Helen
12 03/31/08 11:00 AM | Comment Link |Thanks Pam!
I think you were part of my inspiration for this one, with your focus on the Power of the Ordinary in the February Porpoise-Diving Life and in your piece in last months Idealab :).
Beth Patterson e-mailing us about her site and inviting submissions about the spirituality of everyday life got me motivated to actually write this - but you started me thinking about it in the first place :).
Comment by: Stephan
13 03/31/08 12:14 PM | Comment Link |A friend of mine wrote the book Keeping House: The Litany of Everyday Life about this very topic. She found spirituality and meaning in everyday tasks.
Helen, how does it make you feel that many of the things you reject about Christianity are also rejected by people who still call themselves Christians?
Comment by: Sharon
14 03/31/08 1:31 PM | Comment Link |LOL I grew up with the same ideas Helen expressed and I can see how it would come across that way. Just say that to my father…
I also wonder if this has something to do with the whole faith/works thing. I had it hammered into me all through my life that salvation comes by faith not works, almost to the point where those who did a lot of ‘good works’ were treated suspisiously (maybe they were trying to compensate for a lack of faith, but of course it doesn’t mean they were going to heaven!). Good works were supposed to flow once one was “spiritually healthy”. Thinking about it this way, I’m not suprised I struggled with the spiritual in everyday life.
Comment by: Helen
15 04/1/08 7:31 AM | Comment Link |Stephan wrote;
It always encourages me because it makes me feel less alone when anyone shares my experience or resonates with my viewpoint, whether they’re Christian or not.
I don’t know that it has particular significance to me that some of these people are Christians. If I was unaware that anyone calling themselves a Christian rejected some of what I reject then it might have more significance because I’d be learning something I didn’t know.
Even with Christians who reject some of what I reject there is still a big difference between where they are at and where I’m at. So it doesn’t make me feel any closer to ‘Christianity’.
It’s a good reminder to be careful not to stereotype all Christians as being like the kind of Christian I was - I know they aren’t but I can still be careless how I write about Christians sometimes and slip into overgeneralizing. I actually put a lot of care into writing this piece to be clear that I was describing my Christian experience rather than the experience of all Christians.
Stephan, feel free to call me on it anytime I overgeneralize about Christians.
Comment by: Helen
16 04/1/08 7:38 AM | Comment Link |Jason, quoted by Sharon:
I think it’s actually supposed to sound that way…believe it or not.
Sharon, I agree about faith/works - I think that dichotomy (amongst other things) has contributed to making Christianity more weird and complicated than the movement Jesus, according to the gospels, initiated.
Comment by: Phil
17 04/3/08 9:26 PM | Comment Link |Hey Helen, thanks! This reminds me of a question I asked of some Christian friends recently: which does God love more, the body or the soul? The answer that was given leaned toward soul, after all…sin usually comes from our bodies, right? Then I asked, “Which is more sinful the body or the soul?” That was a more perpelexing riddle…and though I didn’t get to make the final point, you’ve done so here: God loves body and soul equally. Spirituality and every day life are not antithetical, but cousins, brothers, spouses. They belong to one another, like the body belongs to the soul. Thanks again.
Comment by: Beth Patterson
18 04/4/08 7:16 AM | Comment Link |Hi Helen and all–
What a wonderful, insightful conversation-at-the-edge this is! I’m humbled by your mention of the Virtual Tea House–but very glad that the site is bearing the fruit of real dialogue and soul-searching. That’s something that hasn’t happened on the site yet! Lots of soulful ideas about engaged spirituality, but not a lot of dialogue. Not sure why, but I keep writing and living and the other bloggers too, and we pray that sometime (maybe it’s a technical issue that will be solved when we upgrade to the next version of our community server…) this kind of discussion will happen there as well.
In the meantime, thank you all, and especially Helen, for the movement of spirit that I see here.
There’s so much I’d like to say…like, can we explore Ignatian Spirituality together? (I know it’s Catholic and therefore may be ‘the other’!!) The concepts of this spirituality are about the movement of spirit in our lives–call it what you will? And the consolation and desolation that we all experience on our spiritual journeys.
And–can we explore the meaning of soul together?
And–can we explore what our evangelical-parts are really being saved ‘from’? And what are those same parts being saved ‘to’?
Stuff like that-there!
Thank you all again for the welcome I feel here–
Beth, Virtual Tea House Host
Comment by: Jason Horton
19 04/4/08 9:39 AM | Comment Link |Beth, I don’t believe in the soul or the supernatural but, as a thought experiment, I’d certainly enjoy discussing a spiritual exercise with you and with anyone else. If nothing else it would challenge some of my presuppositions.
Comment by: Beth Patterson
20 04/5/08 7:36 AM | Comment Link |Hi Jason,
I’ve been thinking about your response and wondering how/where to jump in, as I don’t want this to be an exercise in ‘apologetics’ (or defense of one’s beliefs). Rather an exploration of what the concept of soul is, from my perspective.
First, I believe that animals and possibly plants have souls. Soulfulness is attached to consciousness. (Not necessarily self-consciousness). It would seem to me that our limited view of soul puts it in a box that says something like, ‘the soul is immortal and must be saved from damnation’. My perspective, after lots of living and reading and living some more is that the soul just is.
The soul is evident in unusual ways: the communication that passes between animals before one is killed by the other; inter-species communication between animals and humans, and not to be ignored, the communication of plants with humans.
If we talk specifically about human soul, it is that indefinable sense of the depth of feeling, understanding, mystery that we can only acknowledge, never define (it gets lost in translation!)
There is a palpable difference between soul and spirit. Spirit can be wounded and is shy and absorbant of context. Soul is older, deeper than that–it is our innocence, the joy at our core, and cannot ever really be wounded. It is what helps us to survive and thrive in the most difficult circumstances (Frankl) by activating a spirit of compassion towards ourselves and others, etc. The soul is the fire in our bellies!
Ok, that’s a lot of metaphors to throw out there–come on back!
Comment by: Jason Horton
21 04/5/08 8:56 AM | Comment Link |Beth, I’d love an explanation of what a soul is. I’ve heard a few but none of them really hold true. Before I even get to the saving part I have trouble with the definition. To me the saving seems to be a reason for the invention of the soul. You need a soul in order to save it.
I find it interesting that you define soul and spirit as different. I’d always thought of them in the same way and have heard the terms used interchangeably. I say I’d thought of them as the same but then I do view soul as a word to summarize a person’s empathy and sense of art, justice, human kindness, etc.
Clearly there is a huge gulf between my idea of soul and yours.
Here’s a thought experiment that let me ponder the nature of “soul”:
Inevitably you either have to accept that neither are you anymore, both are you, or one is a fake. How does the soul fit into the above experiment.
Comment by: Helen
22 04/6/08 7:59 AM | Comment Link |Beth, thanks for your comment. I can’t figure out how to comment on your site without being a member. Is there a way? I think you might get more comments/conversation/discussion if anyone could post a comment without having to be a member.
Jason wrote:
Jason, this sounds very similar to what I decided spirituality refers to.
I agree with you that the splitting experiment poses a dilemma for people who regard the ’soul’ as a separate entity. However, I think it will be quite a while before anyone manages to split people that way, either deliberately or accidentally so we may never find out the answer :).
Jason and Beth - about ’saving’ - for me that’s too negative and passive a perspective. I would rather say we’re on a journey, we make choices, and if we choose well we can give our lives more meaning and purpose and make more positive difference to the people and world around us.
Comment by: Beth Patterson
23 04/6/08 9:02 AM | Comment Link |Thanks, Helen–
And yes, that’s a flaw in the software that will be remedied in the next edition of the site…aargh!
I don’t want to be splitting hairs either! I spent enough time in seminary doing that…what is meaningful to me is what Helen said: what brings us a deeper sense of meaning, purpose and relationship? To me, it’s a ’soulful’ exploration of my life that brings me to discard old notions of how spirit (or Spirit) is at work in the world and open to the world with new eyes. This is my perspective only--that there is a difference–one is impacted by the world around it (spiritual movement) and one is so connected to Source (God) that nothing needs ever change or move (Soul).
I like your idea of the experiment, Jason. It would probably be more effective in a group where there could be lots of voices and play off each other. But my gut response to it is…something like this will probably happen, if not in our lifetime, then some lifetime. We’ll have to deal with it with the consciousness that we have at that time. How’s that for a cop-out?
Happy Sunday to you all!
Beth aka Myrabeth
Comment by: Helen
24 04/6/08 9:20 AM | Comment Link |Thanks Beth - my sense is that we are in similar places although you sometimes use words a bit differently from me.
Sometimes words help and sometimes they seem to get in the way (because people use the same word but define it differently) - have you ever noticed that?
Comment by: Jason Horton
25 04/6/08 2:07 PM | Comment Link |A thing doesn’t need to be possible for a thought experiment. Indeed the point is often that it is not possible.
I like this. You don’t need to accept any particular notion of the supernatural to experience something “spiritual”. For me the experience of just being around my children is part of this exploration of life. Their perspective is both fresh and refreshing. Especially for a jaded old athesit like me. ;)
Comment by: Helen
26 04/6/08 5:42 PM | Comment Link |Jason wrote:
Good point!
Comment by: Beth Patterson
27 04/6/08 8:14 PM | Comment Link |Jason!
THAT’S what I’m talkin’ about…how your heart opens when you’re watching and participating in life with your children…that heart opening is the movement of spirit in my vocabulary! It’s about the heart–which, I’ve come to understand is much more than a pump, by the way–it has perception all of its own that has nothing to do with the brain.
A book about this concept that you might have a great time taking apart, but has some brilliant thought in it is:
The Secret Teachings of Plants: The Intelligence of the Heart in the Direct Perception of Nature -Stephen Harrod Buhner
Helen–
Yes, I think we’re in very much the same place in our journeys and I’m enjoying seeing the differnces in how we use words and the dialogue!
Beth