Posted by Helen on: 04.03.2008 /
I wrote this poem in 2001.
If I were God…
If I were God,
I would die,
Before causing unnecessary pain
to one thing I created.
If I were God,
I would still love you
regardless of how angry at me you were
If I were God
(and you were you :))
I couldn’t look into your eyes
and not forgive you
all things!
If I were God
I would give you every good and perfect gift
and wouldn’t send you to hell
just for not knowing to say thank you
(how could you have known to?)
If I were God,
I couldn’t give you
sun and blue sky every day
(sand is easier ;))
so I would rain in your tears
I would snow to cover your agony
I would send thunder, lightning,
shake the earth
when someone touched a hair
of your head
If I were God
I couldn’t put you first violin
and everyone else 2nd
but I would want to.
I would move heaven and earth
to do it;
leave no stone unmoved
to do it;
make the rocks cry out
and the very animals talk
to do it…
if I were God
I could do nothing else;
If I were God; I could not
could not
could not
help myself,
but love you
until death did part us
(but for a season)
(only for a season)
If I found out somehow
you were looking
for another job
(or even beginning to think about it);
then - if I were God - I ‘d take you out to lunch every day
to the best restaurant in town
and sit quietly with you
until you told me why
you are so unhappy
[with me] :(
If I were God
and you were you
I would send everyone else to hell
for hurting you…
except,
when I looked into each face
I couldn’t actually bring myself
to do it.
So, if someone needed
to go to hell
I would sigh
and take a deep breath
and hold my breath
and go…
just for you!
If I were God
I would have that thought
for each “you”
I created
(wouldn’t you? :))
If I were God
and you were you
I would lift you high in my arms
and swing you around
and say “i love you!!!”
I would take you to my office
sit you in my big chair
let you draw me a picture
on my computer
show you the pictures of you
all over my office
show you that your drawing
is my screensaver
I would walk you around the office
so everyone can meet
my child
and say with a smile
“these are my children!”
If my big boss
came in
when you were visiting me
I ‘d sit you on my lap
while she talked to me ;)
and then we’d go have icecream together
If you wanted
to go for a bike ride with me
on Sunday afternoon
I ‘d be happy about that
…so we’d go…
every Sunday we could!
If I were God
whatever you wanted
I ‘d do it
if I could
I’m not God…
but if I were…
these things would I do
just for you
because I love you
If I were God
I would never never ever
wake a sleeping child
a moment too soon
or separate
even one…
happy family.
Comment by: benjamin ady
1 04/3/08 1:57 PM | Comment Link |Helen
It’s beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with us. You rock. You’d make a much nicer God than I would =) But here’s to ice cream! I love your female boss of God.
Comment by: Jason Horton
2 04/3/08 2:37 PM | Comment Link |The first two lines reminded me of a TV series I saw a few years ago called The Second Coming. The whole thing reminds me of the nature of self sacrifice and pride in others. What do you think of it now, years later?
Comment by: Helen
3 04/3/08 3:30 PM | Comment Link |Thanks Benjamin :)
This is how I’d be if I were God because then I’d be perfectly loving - but since I’m not God I don’t manage to live up to this - not even close!
I think the female boss being God was accidental but I’m good with it (maybe it was Freudian? :))
Jason, the reason I posted it today was, I tend to get positive reactions when I share it and that happened again yesterday. So I thought I would post it since no-one will ever go find it in the depths of the archives of my personal blog.
At one point I took all my Christian writing down off the Internet but then I decided to put it back because it’s an authentice expression of where I was at at that time. So the simple answer is: it’s an authentic expression of where I was at sometime between March and June of 2001.
It expresses the idea that love means sharing what you have (in this case power) with those who have less than you - I still stand by that.
I’m not sure if I’m answering your question - I’m not very good at general questions…ask me something more specific if you like.
Comment by: Julie Marie
4 04/3/08 7:28 PM | Comment Link |thanks for sharing that again, Helen. I was just thinking about the last stanza —
If I were God
I would never never ever
wake a sleeping child
a moment too soon
or separate
even one…
happy family.
a few days ago and you’ve saved me the trouble of going to search for it. :)
My family is going to Disney World next week. It will probably be our last vacation “intact.” We will have a good time, but I am prepared for some bittersweet moments.
Comment by: SeekingSomething
5 04/4/08 11:45 AM | Comment Link |Thank you so much Helen.
FYI, I went digging around in your blog and found this (and loved it) when I first found this site.
This part
was my absolute favourite part too. It sent shivers down my spine. :)
Comment by: Jesus Creed » Weekly Meanderings
6 04/5/08 4:32 AM | Comment Link |[...] Helen Mildenhall’s poem — have you seen this? [...]
Comment by: Helen
7 04/6/08 7:41 AM | Comment Link |Julie Marie, thanks - yes, I knew people who were around back when the discussion forum started have seen this :).
I’m sorry this will be your last family vacation ‘intact’. Based on what you’ve written on Off The Map it sounds like you have a great relationship with your son and I’m sure that will help him navigate through what’s ahead.
SS, wow, you did dig through my site and found the poem? I didn’t think anyone would have bothered to do that! I’m glad you liked it.
That part about the big boss and icecream: I didn’t work after my children were born - I think it was loosely based on taking my children downtown to meet my husband for lunch, which we’ve done occasionally. Not that his boss came in but I’m pretty sure I remember him sitting with one of our children on his lap letting them play with his computer (a little) before we went to lunch (which included icecream shakes).
Comment by: Beth Patterson
8 04/10/08 7:51 AM | Comment Link |Dear Helen
Your words (albeit they flowed from a former part of you) remind me of Rumi or Hafiz…
What happened (yes, I have read your testimony!!) to your relationship with THAT god–the God of this poem? S/he seems so all-encompassing and approachable. I kinda like this version of the New new testament!
Here’s a poem from Hafiz, Sufi Master poet from the 1300s c.e. that is central to how I live my non-religious life:
“One regret, dear world,
that I am determined
not to have
when I am lying on my deathbed
is that
I did not kiss you enough.”
Reminds me of your poem!
Beth, aka Myrabeth
Comment by: Helen
9 04/12/08 11:34 AM | Comment Link |Beth, thanks for that quote from Hafiz.
The God of my poem is very approachable, as you said - also very flexible. She respects that I need my space and trying to have a dialog with her doesn’t work for me right now. She pays attention to what’s best for me and is happy to love me at a distance if that’s what I can handle.
Comment by: Beth Patterson
10 04/13/08 1:52 PM | Comment Link |Ah, yes—I know her! S/he lives in my veins as well…thank you Helen. Your journey is very profound and I, along with a lot of others it would appear, are honored to be witnesses to it.
Someone once wrote, “God is what is always making us draw our circle of who’s inside bigger”.
Thank you for living that truth for us to tenderly watch and walk-beside.
Beth
Comment by: Helen
11 04/13/08 3:21 PM | Comment Link |Thanks Beth
Comment by: Beth Patterson
12 04/15/08 7:08 AM | Comment Link |Hi Helen–
I just realized that my words above…
“What happened (yes, I have read your testimony!!) to your relationship with THAT god–the God of this poem? S/he seems so all-encompassing and approachable. I kinda like this version of the New new testament!What happened (yes, I have read your testimony!!) to your relationship with THAT god–the God of this poem? S/he seems so all-encompassing and approachable. I kinda like this version of the New new testament!”
… might have seemed like subtle evangelism to you. If so I sincerely apologize. Boy this stuff is subtle. Thanks for the opportunity and space to look at these issues!
Sounds like you’re having a great time in Seatlle with your friends and the Dalai Lama! Right on–I should have cleared my schedule and driven up there myself–it’s only 6 hours away for me!
Thanks again,
Beth
Comment by: Helen
13 04/18/08 9:47 AM | Comment Link |Beth, no worries - I assumed you were simply being curious!
I think you would have enjoyed seeing people from so many different spiritual traditions all valuing compassion and seeking common ground.