Posted by Helen on: 09.09.2008 /
I just received this touching letter from ‘gecko’ in Switzerland.
How very courageous of you to write such an honest article [Why I don't go to church anymore]! I don’t know if I could have done it. It encouraged me to be myself and to reflect my own understandings, feelings and last but not least, my faith. You helped me very much, thank you!
I just read the two books “I Sold My Soul on eBay” and “Jim and Casper Go to Church” and there I found a reference to your blog. And yes, I’d like to participate, because some of my church-experiences (mostly good ones, lately more negative ones) led me to some thoughts that are close to yours, and I even considered leaving Church just as you did.
First let me state that I never doubted God or Jesus, nor the Bible. I cannot describe it, but somewhere within me there’s just this conviction that there is a God and I experienced a few things (including the healing of arthrosis in my own hip-bone) that made me very sure that all this is true. So the next conclusion was that many churches don’t represent Jesus very well. I found that many Christians (in our church at least) are more excluding than understanding and they cast away long friendships just because I dared to ask some uncomfortable questions. It was very sobering.
So then I asked myself what I felt was the most important part of being a believer. The conclusion is: My relationship with God. I feel very strongly that everybody has a right to make his or her own experiences with God. That these experiences are valuable. That they have to be different, as every human-being is unique.
And I noticed that even the way I read the Bible was very influenced by the church I’m going to (in my case a Pentecostal Church). One day I just had the idea to read the Bible in another language, which was English. I was reading passages I thought I had never seen before. So I looked them up in my good old German Bible. And they were there! I had read them many times, but now the “filter” was away. So I found a completely new access to this book I thought I knew by heart. And it felt much more like the Bible was talking to me personally. This was very uplifting, but sometimes sobering, too. Now it felt like communicating with God more than being pressed into some church-policy.
Of course there are still some questions I have no answers to. But I promised myself to stay completely honest with myself and not to allow myself to be cheated by some flowery phrase. To ask until I’m satisfied. To take action, if the settings I live in don’t fit anymore.
You see, even here in Switzerland where I was born and still live, the problems and questions are similar to the ones in America. I like your blog because folks are honest and don’t condemn others, like I have experienced in my church and others. Can I take part, even though I’m from Switzerland?
Yours sincerely
gecko
My answer to gecko’s question is “Yes, you’re welcome to participate – please do! It’s more interesting if we have people from outside America participating (we have one or two others).”
Comment by: Elaine
1 09/9/08 7:23 AM | Comment Link |Thanks for sharing. I really loved the part where you said you read the bible in English and discovered new understanding of the words. Yes, our filters block out even the good things.
I’m sorry to hear people/friends rejected you because you asked hard questions. I’ve been told that Judiasm values the question more than the answer. It is powerful questions that cause us to search deep within. It is sad to think that Jesus was a Jew taught to ask powerful questions - and Christians have been taught not to question - questions are bad. They assign lots of negative connotations to those who question.
Totally agree with you here:
That is where I find myself after a lifetime of churches.
Comment by: gecko
2 09/9/08 11:31 PM | Comment Link |Yes, after a lot of thinking it over and knowing those friends (I still like them, you know) quite well after all, I think they are afraid these questions might threaten their “spiritual castle”, where they feel comfortable and at home in. In the end they are not so sure of it all as they claim they are. And I just haven’t noticed. So I started to wonder, how lonely this road ahead of me will be?
Comment by: marion
3 09/20/08 7:08 AM | Comment Link |I love what gecko writes - it is very similar to how I feel.
I love what he said here
.
Comment by: gecko
4 09/20/08 9:37 AM | Comment Link |Hello Bob, thanks again. This song mirrows my feelings exactly. I was always sure of this: I will be found in Jesus. This was never the question. But it was nice to hear it again.
And yes, I think we should honour our pastors, but anybody else in church as well. I’m not a fulltime-worker in church and I don’t think that people who sow their lifes into the church should be honoured more than others. Sounds harsh? Let me expain. Though I’m no fulltime-worker in church, I consider myself as a fulltime-worker for Jesus. That means being HIS child 24 hours a day wherever HE places me, for example in my family and on my job. That means working on the “projects” HE showed me as well as being available whenever HE calls me to action, be in church or in our neighbourhood. That means also that the money on our account is HIS, and as soon we (as a couple) have the impression to give, we give. We just claim that we have to have this impression ourselves. I’m convinced that it doesn’t matter where you work for God.
And about leaving our church: At the moment that question is a bitt off the line, as we clearly felt to stay for now. We’ll see. After a rather upset time with lots of questions, we feel that peace has come into our lives and the answers will come. We don’t have to change everything at once, if at all.
Thank you, Marion for writing, it helps not to feel alone.
Comment by: Bob
5 09/22/08 1:22 PM | Comment Link |Hi Gecko — Sorry I’m a day our two late, needed a break from the computer so I took it over the weekend. So glad you liked the song, the video was simple but I liked it and it made me think of all the different sorts of folks all over the world reaching for the same thing.
I agree with what you said, we do need to extend grace and honor everyone inside and outside of the church. I wrote what I did for two reasons though. I believe scripture reinforces our need to honor the leadership (laymen or fulltime or whatever) not because they deserve it more but because they can’t effectively do what they’re called to do if we don’t. If a pastor is constantly criticized and harrassed (not that you would do that but some people do) it’s going to make them less effective in the role they were called to have. You know from volunteering at church, if somebody doesn’t respect you as the leader of your initiative it creates problems in the effectiveness of that intiative. I’ve had the same experience. I also think that for some reason people think they can say things or be more critical to employees of the church than they are to others and that strikes me as unfair.
Again that’s all very different from having to agree with them, just about being respectful of the position and remembering that they’re regular people with feelings. All things you are already doing but I thought worth reflecting on.
Actually, I hope my post didn’t seem like I was encouraging you to leave. It’s hard to find a church home and a big step. I do think sometimes that change may come about in different seasons of our lives, but hasty change is never good. I am glad you are getting a sense of peace and feeling more comfortable where you are. Who knows, perhaps you will be an inspiration to others to resdiscover their faith within your church.
Keep me posted, or post if there’s any specific areas of faith you want to talk about. Thanks.
Comment by: gecko
6 09/23/08 7:23 AM | Comment Link |Hi Bob - non of my questions today, but some thoughts on what you wrote on the “harsh” old Testament. You know, in those times the old Testament was much more peaceful and less cruel than every other culture around. You see, in those times many peoples or tribes used to offer humans to their gods. The Celts did (in varios styles, just their gods wanted it), some German tribes did, the Greek did, many American tribes did, and the old ones, that weren’t famous or especially gifted were just left do die or they suffered a ritualized death, so to help their family. Being a slave was awful unto death. Being a child sometimes, too. The Jews in comparison were allowed to offer animals only. Their slaves were looked on as humans, they were instructed to honour their elder folks and to teach their children.
Big difference, isn’t it?
Comment by: Bob
7 09/23/08 12:51 PM | Comment Link |Hi Gecko - That is interesting and quite a big difference. That’s one of the things about studying the bible, we don’t live in the time it was written so we don’t have a good sense of context sometimes. There’s definitely alot of good stuff that happens, I was mostly thinking about how God punished in the old testament versus the new testament. I’m glad we’re after the new testament but I still want to understand the old.
Comment by: gecko
8 09/24/08 2:23 AM | Comment Link |Hi Bob - I think we’d still be after the old testament if Jesus hadn’t come. And the more I understand the old testament, the more glad I am to live in this time now. Just the difference between an offering priest and a nowadays pastor (I mean in western countries)!
Israel was already a hot country in the days of the old testament, and to work in a place where animals were killed on a dayly base, without a waterhose to splash the whole blood down in the evenings…
God changed his way punishing in the way that He doesn’t punish anymore in the new testament. He had punished Jesus instead of us, and that was it for all times! So, as His people we don’t have to be afraid of Him.
Comment by: Bob
9 09/24/08 12:10 PM | Comment Link |Hi Gecko — Sorry if my choice of words was a bit useless. I really meant after Christ’s atonement as opposed to living before him. I know it was for all time, but things seemed a little harsher for those prior to Christ. On the other hand God was pretty patient with the Israelites, I guess we wander in our own deserts now just in different ways.
Comment by: gecko
10 09/25/08 5:56 AM | Comment Link |Yes, Bob, very right. And in this big desert I’m in for quite a time now I have found an oasis - this blog! Thanks for writing to me.
Comment by: Bob
11 09/26/08 3:13 PM | Comment Link |Likewise thanks to you! It means alot to be able to share our thoughts. I look forward to many discussions.